10 Ways to Annoy Your CrossFit Coach
Chances are, you’ve annoyed your coach at some point. Whether it’s in a CrossFit class or some other group program, every gym has its fair share of people regularly engaging in behavior that is slowly chipping away at your coach’s once-pure, positive soul. Use this as a guide of what not to do if you like being on Coach’s list of aces. Hopefully, you are fluent in sarcasm.
1. The Gym DJ
Almost every class has a gym DJ. “Play something good,” they’ll yell. Or, “Are we gonna turn up the music?” Yes. Yes, we’ll turn up the music. Have we ever NOT played music loud during a workout? Go DJ, Go DJ…
2. The YouTuber
For some folks, the face-to-face interaction of a coach who knows them well and is familiar with their limitations just doesn’t cut it. Sure, Coach has told you to keep those elbows high on a front squat every week for the last year, but it didn’t click until you saw a random YouTube video where the guy says to keep your elbows high. Make sure to tell your coach you found an incredibly helpful YouTube video that blew your mind.
3. Late on the First Day
Showing up late on your first day is like a cardinal sin. New folks will already require some heavy hand-holding, but don’t make Coach stop the momentum of a class to teach you the entire warm-up in an impromptu 1-on-1 private session to start the class.
4. “Wait, what are we doing?”
Coach has been blabbing about something for the last 5 minutes, somewhere between the warm-up and the main workout for the day. You heard something about how to approach the workout and then your brain drifted to what kind of tacos you’ll be ordering after class. Coach bores you by repeating the same words several times, like she’s trying to get the point across or something. The 10 second countdown starts for the workout and you realize you have no clue what’s happening. What better to do than yell at Coach, “Wait, what are we doing?!”
5. Dropping Empty Barbells
Just don’t do it. Just. Don’t.
6. Mobility, Schmobility
Sure, Coach gave you some really specific and helpful things to do to finally fix that awful front rack position you have, but that’s 5 minutes of your life that you’ll never get back. You are way too busy shopping for new knee sleeves, anyways. Plus, having joints that move properly contributes nothing to your quality of life. Skip it!
7. No Log, No Remember
Coach paid the extra monthly cost to have some fancy software system that keeps track of all your weights, times, diet, etc. But hey, you aren’t going to the Olympics any time soon, so why log in all that nonsense? Anyways, today we are working some deadlifts at 80% of last week’s weight. How are you supposed to remember all this stuff?!
8. Just the Metcon
You trot into the gym at 7pm and Coach is looking at you strange because he knows the last class of the day started 30 minutes ago. Class is about to get briefed on today’s conditioning session and you slide into the mix to ask Coach if you can just jump in on the metcon. Sure, who needs a proper warm-up and complimentary mobility + strength work that was carefully crafted to make you a more well-rounded human? Just jump in on the metcon.
9. Play Member-Coach for the Day
You’ve been on the scene for a whole 2 months, so it’s a great time to help Coach out by providing your workout partner some solid cues on their squat technique. Other than the fact that you know nothing about this person’s physical abilities, you proceed to relay some inapplicable cues that Coach correctly used for your train wreck of a squat just last week.
10. Nah, It’s Not the Weight
Coach politely suggests that you strip the weights off the barbell and work on your technique safely. After all, Coach explains, it only complicates things when you make a complex exercise heavier. You object by explaining to Coach that the weight isn’t the reason for your inability to get the bar from hips to shoulder, you just aren’t used to the movement. You “got this.”